Bird Poop Update!

I KNEW I was onto something with those birds.... the city has shut down a local swimming lake because it has been contaminated to unhealthy levels by the bird poop! Those little buggers should have to scoop!

Warning: Scathing sarcastic content!

Vegas is fond of cheese, and I always have cheese in my kitchen. Cheddar of course, provolone, parmesan, mozzarella and a very nice sliced vegetable medley havarti that is particularly fine on sandwiches. Vegas is a Boxer with a particularly sweet disposition and a charming lack of loyalty to her owners when it comes to food. Just yesterday she tried to break into my house again and her reign of cute must end! I jest, I am openly thrilled that she follows me around and refuses to heed her owners' call when I am hiding cheese in my pockets. There are bylaws in our fair city that restrict her movements, confining her to her own property with fines if her owners don't respect the force field of invisibility that is erected around all properties. I don't disagree with this, on the contrary, it is necessary to protect the citizens. We also have two Rottweilers in the area who roam freely, one of whom attacked and killed a Bichon on an unsupervised evening romp. Let's compare the two situations: Vegas making a beeline for cheese, with her embarrassed owner attempting to lure her back, and a roaming attack dog wandering around an area where many children live with no owner in sight. Again, I support the city bylaws restricting the movement of pets. It's their method that leaves a sour taste in my mouth. There are things that should be done - Sensible regulation, mandatory spaying and neutering for pets if they are not registered for breeding or show purposes, a ban on stores selling animals from unregistered breeders, more money to the animal control office for training, resources to protect animals from neglect and abuse, a program to spay or neuter feral cats, etc etc. Unfortunately none of these provisions is mentioned in the new bylaw. The new bylaw restricts the movement of cats. Well, Damn people, it's about time the city did something about these nasty little kitties, If they don't we'll all be ruined! We've had it with all the nuisances in the city, like those noisy birds chirping me awake in the morning or those infuriatingly furry cats that help control mice in the neighbourhood or those god awful goofy dogs! Sure! Confine all those cats to their houses and while you're at it, can you do something about the birds that keep pooping on my lawn? Yes, telling people that can't have more than 3 pets is great, we NEED more cats and dogs clogging up the shelters! Can't feed the ducks or swans anymore, and thank goodness they have prohibited certain animals unless they're owned for the "purpose of entertaining the public". Brilliant, you can't feed the ducks in the Public Gardens, but it's all right to make a bear pedal a tricycle for your profit! Makes sense. Obviously, these animals dream only of world domination! GEEZ People - take a chill pill, until they develop opposable thumbs, I think we are pretty safe.

Les Meubles

So, I have new living room furniture, which of course means I MUST paint the walls,
and get a new scarlet rug,
and rearrange the art,
and maybe colour-block the art,
and get new end tables,
and lamps and stuff.
Maybe even some chachkas and thingies!

I was thrilled when the new love seats and chair arrived, but quite upset when I realized the current paint colours matched them just fine, thank you very much. Being female, I did not find this terribly helpful. Obviously I cannot appeal to my cadre of worker bees with a suitably helpless expression, saying "oh, this is horrid, look, nothing matches!~ Can you help me paint?" So what to do?

Then it occurs to me that I have once again forgotten the fundamental difference between men and women. Women coordinate, and men procreate. Forgive me for being simplistic, and allow me to elaborate.

Basically, in my varied roamings of this Great World, I have come to realize that women over think just about everything, for example, we are never, and I mean never direct, so if you are a gentleman, please learn the language, we don't intend to change. It's an estrogen thing. We also ascribe convoluted motives to the simplest statements men make - for example, if a gent says:

"Do you mind if I change the channel"

He may *hear* - "no, by all means go ahead". What is more likely meant is: "Sure, go ahead; drive me bonkers with 3 second snippets of 30 stations while you assert your male dominance with your phallically symbolic remote control - and buddy, I ain't TOUCHING your remote control later!"

Which brings me back to my original conundrum. Today I will borrow a page from the "man's dictionary", and simply say, I want this room painted. I want it painted by Thursday please, and I'll provide the beer.

But I don't intend to change, and you can't make me !